Some Twitter users get really upset when people unfollow them. I’ve seen public apologies on blogs and in Tweets, people wondering why…BrokenHeart

I figured I’d save them all some trouble, and lump 15 of the reasons into one Friday blog post for your enjoyment. Remember, on Fridays I think I’m funny.

1. Dear PoliticalCommentator: You had roughly a 50% chance that I would disagreed with you, and another 50% chance that your constant stream of amateur political commentary was just plain annoying. Which means that technically you should have no followers by now.

2. Dear MarketingMessage: Frankly, I got bored with you and the same tweets all of the time. And honestly, if your entire marketing message can fit into 140 characters, you have more to worry about than me unfollowing you.

3. Dear TwitterFingers: Yes, 140 characters is fast to type. You proved that. Great, but I have a job, and nowhere in my job description did I see “read 5,000 irrelevant tweets a day by this person”. I’m certain you’re having fun, so ignore my absence.

4. Dear TwitterCeleb: While I understand that I was crucial to your Twitter-ness, one of your other 500,000,000 followers will step up and take on the task of reading your Tweets, I’m sure of it.

5. Dear Vulgarity: It is wholly understandable that sometimes one might slip up, but if I have to worry about Twitter being NSFW because of you, you have issues.

6. Dear SocialMediaVet: It hasn’t been around that long, and judging by your Tweets, no you’re not. I’m sorry your previous career didn’t work out, but let us all know how that “I’m going to Tweet for a living” thing works out for you.

7. Dear Traveller: No doubt your legion of followers holds their breath waiting for you to announce that your plane has landed in another city, I didn’t, so I left. Perhaps I’m just not well traveled.

8. Dear AmyInMyRoom (whose user name maps to CharlesInHisMomsBasement14456): Don’t blame me, the Twitter spam sniffer had deleted your account before I could even get to your page to see if I wanted to follow you.

9. Dear OneUpdateInSixMonths: I didn’t leave you, you left me. Sorry, hope all is well.

10. Dear JobSeeker: You know, Twitter isn’t exactly targeted marketing for your skill set, and I don’t have hiring authority even if we used Stevedores.

11. Dear RT: The occasional original thought is a good thing, you should try it some time.

12. Dear iPhoneUser: Glad you like your iPhone, but our boss wouldn’t approve them for us before the economy got tight… So we had nothing in common.

13. Dear KidOnTM: I’m a stickler for spelling and grammar, but I’ll answer you in kind: i left cuz don’t got time 2 parse ur lame tweets.

14. Dear ItsAllSocial: Well no, no it’s not. If you had read my guest post over on @mediaphyters’ blog, you’d understand that you’re still talking to people – the mechanism doesn’t change that.

15. Dear TweetEverySong: While what you’re listening to is enthralling, the update every few minutes was distracting me. How about parking some play lists on a web page instead – you know, that old fashioned way?

 

Of course these are stereotypes, I only follow people I already respect as a general rule, and have only unfollowed a few, but it was fun to write, and I no doubt missed some – so feel free to add in the comments below.

 

That’s it for this (very late) Friday edition of Isn’t Don Funny. ;-)

Don.